Not long ago I found myself standing on the Coast of the Pacific Ocean and straight ahead of me was a ship, I remember thinking to myself that it must not be that far away if I can see it. Right? Wrong. That sucker was hundreds of miles away but in my mind, if I could see it… then it was close.
That’s what hope feels like sometimes. That thing that you have been hoping for, praying for, seeking after, waiting for, working towards etc… after a point in time during our journey there are glimpses of the proverbial ship in the distance and since we can see it, it must be getting closer but sometimes, it’s not.
So why do we hope? What’s the purpose? If it’s hurts, why do we continue to press towards it?
A simple google search returns the definition of Hope as “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” and as I type this out while the word itself is listed as a noun, I would venture to say that it is more of a verb. It requires something of us in order for it to take place. So, naturally I see now why there can be pain, frustration, fear, uncertainty and the list goes on… But, there is an anatomy to hope so let’s take a look at that and see why it continues to take action on our part.
Not long after writing my previous post about shame there was a new parting of the clouds that happened but in those moments it wasn’t a clear “ahhh” moment like is written in movies or described in books. It was more of the first spring morning when your eyes start to open and the brisk air that has been blowing in your window for the past 3 months is replaced with a new warmth. A ray of sunshine curves through the curtains and the birds are singing their spring song for the first time. It is the joy that comes with the first sign of tulips waking from their slumber or the first whir of a lawn mower from down the street. It’s hope that starts to make it’s way to the surface, a sign that winter has waned and spring is here. While the moment is beautiful, we are reminded within days that winter has one more round left in it. Those kind of clouds, the ones that make you go “ugh, not again.” but this time there was a new clarity. I had spend the previous months digging myself out of the shame pit and I surely wasn’t going to allow myself to go there again however, what might have been even more challenging was determining this hope that I was searching for and what exactly that would look like.
First – We must allow a time of mourning. This is a cleansing of our old ways and our old thought patters to make way, to prepare for a new way of life.
I remember when I started on my weight-loss journey years ago and having to really mourn who I was leaving behind. I was excited, don’t get me wrong, but I knew eating whatever, whenever I wanted to was no longer a part of my life. I had to mourn that I had allowed myself to get to that point and I had to mourn that there may not be people who are willing to go along in this journey. Fast forward several years and facing a new journey of hope, the feelings that I experienced then were starting to come back again. I knew that the life that I sought after wasn’t the one that I was currently allowing my mind to accept so I had to mourn who I was leaving behind in order to fully understand the person that I was wanting to become. The person that I was going to allow God to create in me. The new pathway that my mind was going to follow, instead of the ways that I had been following in the past.
I was realizing in order for God to meet me where I was I had to acknowledge that place to begin with. Then it was about allowing the transformation to the new life that He had for me.
Second – Rebirth
“My mind came alive today
To the invisible geography
That invites me to new frontiers
To break the dead shell of yesterdays
To risk being disturbed and changed”1
Let’s be honest, who wants to look at the dark parts of ourselves and say “ok, let’s dive in and change” but the reality is, we have to break away from the parts of us that held onto yesterday’s emotions. If we don’t allow ourselves to call it what it is and then be willing to break away from that we are doing nothing but dragging along the anchor that was weighing us down to begin with. If we are spending time dragging the anchor around we don’t have the energy or desire to put the hope within us into action and take the steps needed to find and thrive in the rebirth.
We want to be whole without work, but even Jesus had to grow in wisdom in invisible, repetitious, mundane ways to curve human nature back to God’s will2
So a challenge, because we have already acknowledged that this isn’t going to be easy, or fun….what are some things that are weighing you down? What are the barriers to the hope that is burning inside of you that keep you from taking action, from allowing the rebirth. For me, it’s two sided. I have a deep burning desire to live out the things that God has placed firmly in my heart and I have a very deep fear of being abandoned.
Now, what have those thoughts and fears done to you? For me, on one hand, I feel like the thing that God has placed on my heart to fulfill is that ship out at sea but it’s so cloudy, I know it’s there but I couldn’t tell you how close or far away it is. And on the other hand, my fear of being abandoned? It caused me to do everything for everyone in hopes that they wouldn’t forget me.
It’s scary, I get it! Because sometimes it’s extremely dark when you are standing on the proverbial shoreline and now all you can see are the flashing lights from that ship, it seems further than before, especially when the work is hard however, the risk is well worth the reward. When we truly allow ourselves to be vulnerable to God (PS He already knows your heart, He’s just waiting for us to come to Him) then it allows Him to fill the space that is empty, for Him to take root. Then, when we feel like the ship is within reach but we can’t quite reach it or the clouds come and go, He is the one who guides the tides to bring that hope a little closer to us.
Third-Excitement
I can recall, many times, the excitement that filled my mind as the hope of a new tomorrow seemed to be coming true. Like a child on Christmas morning or the day of a big race I had been training for, the adrenaline that rushed through me seemed to overtake the ability for me to see straight. It was all sunshine and rainbows and I wasn’t going to let reality strike me. The fact is, almost nothing in life is sunshine and rainbows and that’s why Hope is important. That’s why we take thoughts captive and hold them up to scripture, what we know, what God has spoken to us and what we hold onto as truth. My encouragement for you is to hold onto the excitement, press into it. Remember it on the days where that ship seems to be drifting a little further out to sea. Remember when that ship was so far away it was just a shadow on the water? Hold onto the excitement because now you can see the bow of the boat is facing north, the starboard has numbers & letters on it and the details of the wheelhouse are coming into focus. You’re almost there, don’t give up hope.
It is a journey, a long, sometimes arduous path of ups and downs, curves when you didn’t see them coming and many boulders that pop up along the way but there is an anatomy to this hope, and when we allow the opportunity to mourn who we were (or the thoughts that we had), allow a rebirth and then fill our hearts with excitement for what is happening. It becomes many parts, working together to create a remarkable story.
Abiding Trust 