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Finding Strength in Waiting

~ abidingtrust ~ Leave a comment

I started doing Crossfit several months ago and there are many things that I love about it however, there are a few exercises that I just can’t wrap my mind around. One of them is a rope climb. There is a very specific way that this is accomplished (and I do realize that I am going get something wrong here, I am sure, pease don’t come for me. HA!!!)

Before jumping onto the rope I was trying to remind myself of what goes where.
First – Jump high enough that I am off the ground, making sure I have a firm grip on both sides of the rope
Second – Within seconds of the jump and grab I need to make sure the rope goes on the outside and underneath my right foot
Third- Use my left foot to finish the “J” so I have a footing to “stand on”

All this has to be done within about 1 second of each other but I have tried this enough times I know that I can accomplish it. The problem was, the goal today was see how long I could hold on for. It wasn’t until I was about 10 seconds in that I realized I have been here before. The waiting, the waiting until the timer goes off and I can let go. The issue was, either it never went off or I didn’t hear it.

Sometimes when we are in a season of waiting the wave of emotions come so fast and furious that we couldn’t take inventory if we tried. Sometimes we are left with one singular emotion for so long that we have started to carry it around like a child, but also afraid to let it mature and leave the proverbial nest. In this case, it’s a matter of holding onto something to tightly that the pain is outweighing the benefit of the exercise to begin with. That’s when something dawned on me. There are times as believers we wrap our minds up so tightly around a situation or season of life that we don’t see what God is doing. I imagine it goes something like this:

“Lord, my arms are starting to tire.” I say, at a whisper
“ok, better situate your feet so there’s not so much pressure on your arms.” God says back to me.
More time went by and my next plea came from my lips “Lord, I am starting to slip, I have tried to place my feet more firmly but I am slipping”
“Hold on a little tighter” He said.
“Lord, I am holding on tighter now but my hands hurt”
“I have given you strong legs to hold yourself up, remember to use those too.”
After readjusting a little I found I could put a little more pressure on my legs but they started to shake
“Lord, my legs are shaking, my arms are tired, my hands are burning, Im starting to slip.”
“I’ve got you, hold on tighter.”
“Lord, my hands are starting to bleed, I don’t think I can hold on tighter.”
“I will be the salve for your hands, keep holding on”
“Lord, my hands are bleeding, my arms are weary, my legs are tired, the rope is slipping.”
“Hold on, hold on a little longer, I see your tears, I feel your pain, I hear your cries for help, keep holding.“
“LORD!” I yell, “the rope is fraying and digging into my bloodied hands!”
“Lord, my legs are burning from the rope being wrapped around them!
“Lord, I feel like you aren’t hearing me!”
“God, I am doing everything that you have told me and it still hurts”
“Lord, why can’t I hear you any more.”
“Lord, I can’t hold on, it hurts so much”
“Lord, I have to let go, the pain is unbearable.”
and just then, I hear a whisper “My child, let your left leg down just an inch”
And just then I realize that there is a step for me to stand on.
“Lord, how long as this bench been here?”
“I just placed it there but it took a while for me to cut down the tree, put it together and place it in just the right spot that you wouldn’t have to endure any more pain to reach it.”

*Sigh*

Have you ever felt like you were in a season like that? It reminds me of Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”

Paul doesn’t mess around! He never says that we will be free from pain, discouragement, troubles and the like but rather he says that in the midst of these things we will not be abandoned nor destroyed. It’s so hard in the moment to see the things that God is doing. In the season of waiting we are so often over consumed with the what if, the “but when” and so on but our job as believers is to remember that there is someone out there fighting FOR us.

It’s also possible that the season of waiting is about refinement. Ugh, I almost think that’s worse. It’s the allowing of God to apply heat over and over again, to bring the impurities to the top so He can remove them. But what if instead of seeing all the pain and heartache, we were able to look past those things to what He has planned for us. What if all the things that He is doing in and through us, all the refinement that is happening is all to prepare us for Heaven. What if the troubles of the right now are ways that He is working through all the muck and mire so that we can be better prepared to show someone else the path to a better life? What if the refinement, even seven times over, is done so that we are the best version of ourselves that He needs us to be for someone else. Isn’t it all worth it then? Isn’t it much more fulfilling to endure the pressure, the pain, discouragement and so on if that means that someone else will see the love of Christ in and through us? Isn’t that what He did for us?

So Lord, let it be. Let my trials, fear, pain, and the waiting season be for Your good, for Your glory and to bring others to know You. Instead of feeling beaten down by trails help me to remember that my faith is being refined.

And I don’t know where you are right now, and in no way am I meaning to make light of such things but what I do know is that He is always there. He is hears our cries and our silent tears. He knows the desires of our heart and even though we don’t always see it this way, He wants what is best for us. It is simply our job to hear Him when He says “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10a

Embracing the Waiting: Lessons from Mary’s Journey

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Waiting during the Christmas season is perhaps most arduous as a child. I remember when I was 8 years old and we were visiting my grandparents in Spokane for the holiday. I loved visiting my grandparents house. The upstairs was for hosting and their front room was picturesque, like the carpet had precise vacuum lines and you basically didn’t go in there. They had the most beautiful bay window, that looking back I have no idea why the Christmas tree wasn’t in there but I digress. The basement however, that’s where the fun was at. There was a piano at the bottom of the stairs, that was my personal favorite, then a large family room with he only TV in the house, a sitting area, game room and it was the home of the Christmas Tree and where the opening of gifts would occur. The night before Christmas, I was sleeping in my mom’s old room, my brother was sleeping in my aunts old room next door to me and for the first time in our lives we could hear a train nearby as we were trying to sleep. It was the strangest sound to me but it was also helpful because I was learning it would come by every 2 hours and since it was Christmas Eve and I wanted nothing more than to wake up as early as possible, every time the train woke me up I knew it was 2 hours closer to the epic Christmas morning. Well, that worked until midnight when the train stopped running so, instead of tracking time based on the blaring train horns, I decided it was necessary to wake up my mom every time I thought it was late enough. Finally after the 3rd time, my mom said to me “Amanda, if you want to get up that’s up to you but you will have to wait until the rest of us are awake to go downstairs.”

I had to wait…. My brother woke right around the same time as me (let’s face it I probably went and woke him up). My mom shortly after that, then my Grandma my Grandpa and then finally my Aunt but the time that passed was easily 3 hours from the time I was told to wait until they were all ready to go. You can go ahead and laugh because it was only 8am when we all were awake, I have been an early riser my whole life.

As I think about the waiting that occurs at Christmas, all over the world as children wait for Santa to come or parents to wake or family to come visit I can’t help but think about Mary and the waiting that she had to endure as she carried the Savior of all humanity.

During Elizabeth’s sixth month of pregnancy, God sent angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin. She was engaged to marry a man names Joseph from the family of David. Her name was Mary. The angel came to her and said, “Greetings! The Lord has blessed you and is with you.” but Mary was very startled by what the angel said and wondered what this greeting might mean. The angel said to her, “don’t be afraid, Mary; God has shown you his grace. Listen! You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and you will name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of King David, his ancestor. He will rule over the people of Jacob forever, and his kingdom will never end.” Mary said to the angel, “How will this happen, since I am a virgin?” The angel said to Mary, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will cover you. For this reason the baby will be holy and will be called the Son of God. Now Elizabeth, your relative, is also pregnant with a son though she is very old. Everyone thought she could not have a baby, but she has been pregnant for six months. God can do anything!” Mary said, “I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say!” Then the angel went away.
Luke 1:26-38

Can you imagine knowing this information, trusting God that He would take care of all the details and then having to WAIT for 9 months to see what would happen? Mary endured many challenges during this time. As she found out about this news she was facing the judgment that came from people around her since she was unwed, the fear that Joseph would leave her, the long journey to Bethlehem on a donkey while heavily pregnant and then gave birth in a stable. And with each challenge that she faced, she put her trust and faith in God to fulfill what He said He would do.

Waiting is something beyond comprehension to me. It seems like time passes so slowly when I am waiting on something. It’s like that phrase, “a watched pot never boils” but yet we hold onto the things that we have been promised by the Lord or things that we are wanting so deeply, with such anticipation. The most fascinating thing to me is how God seems to call the most unlikely to accomplish things that would be impossible without Him. Mary couldn’t possibly become pregnant as a virgin, without God. Elizabeth had been trying for years, and was quite old, yet God did the impossible as she also conceived a child.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you want to look at it, the waiting that we endure when it comes to something God has planned for us, also produces such incredible character. What if Mary would have tried to plan her way out of God’s plan? What if Mary (and/or Joseph) said No! What if Mary changed her mind part of the way through because she couldn’t see the outcome or couldn’t control the twists and turns? Often times when we are waiting on what God has for us, we see it as a burden but I am thankful Mary saw it as an opportunity, a blessing. So shouldn’t we, when tasked with times of waiting on what God has placed in our lives.

In 1 Peter chapter 1 we are reminded that the genuineness of our faith is revealed through the trials that we face and we are frequently asked to trust God in the waiting. However, it can become so easy to let our questioning of what is taking so long get in the way of what He is doing in and through us

As I was reading a devotional with my sweet boyfriend this advent season, I have had this conviction on my heart, I want a faith like Mary had.

When God leads, I want to follow
When God initiates, I want to respond

The reality is, in a world filled with so much “I can do this myself” we are riddled with the desire to manage our anxiety quotient. This rises and falls with our ability to control a situation and eliminate uncertainty. I can tell you at least a dozen times in recent memory where my anxiety quotient was raised and I would have preferred to control what I can control but I had to lean into the faith like Mary and remember who is actually in control.

Trust is not passive, Mary stepped forward in faith which what she had and trusted God, I want to have faith in the waiting like that.

Lord, I know I fear what I don’t know, I fear what I can’t see and I fear what I can’t control but your plans were never meant for me to execute on my own. Help me to believe, in my questions, in my disappoinemtents,and in the waiting. Grow my desire desire to have faith like Mary, to go where you lead, and follow Your way. As it is said in Jeremiah 29:11, your plans are for me to prosper, please help me to remember and lean into that, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Walking Through the Valley: Trusting God’s Plan

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In a sermon I heard the other day from Robert Mandu “You can’t rush through the valley, you must walk.” The way that he explained it is; as in Psalm 23 “though I walk through the Valley of Darkness (other versions say the darkest valley), I will fear no evil.” And what David is talking about when he wrote this Psalm is not the “City Dark”. Not, when you walk out the front door of a restaurant in the middle of of the city, this is the darkness that you see in the middle of the night when you are camping and the moon is only a sliver. The kind of darkness where even though you think your eyes are open it’s so dark that you swear you are walking in your sleep. You can’t see the steps in front of you. Even if there was a bear chasing you, there’s no way to run, you can’t see anything in front of you. THAT kind of dark. So, keeping that in mind, we have times in our lives that we are in that kind of Valley. When that happens, we aren’t in a place where we can run, it’s about walking. It’s about feeling your way through the darkness trusting that God is going to provide the light that you need on your path. And yes, there are times that the light He is giving is not something that we want to see. I get it! There have been times in the valley that I want to scream and beg God to stop. I have tried yelling, screaming, begging, crying, and while it made me feel better, it didn’t change the path, through the valley of darkness that I was on. There are times that I have tried to run through the valley under my own accord and you know what happens, I trip on a root and fall down. And when I fall, I am left laying there in the mud in the cold damp air wishing that I would have just let God do what He was trying to do instead of taking control of the thing that I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t and frankly, had no right to control in the first place.

Then there’s the getting up out of the mud where you are embarrassed, you hope no one else saw what happened and you just want to pretend that it didn’t happen but God allows the mud to stain your clothes, leaves to be stuck in your hair and maybe even a scrape here and there because it’s a way that your story can be used in the future to show His glory and how He got you out of it.

Here’s the thing that I have realized, God knows what we need more than we do. Frankly I don’t know why I keep trying to argue this point with Him but something that He has been teaching me is that He knows what is best. God knows what you need when you need it and often times He knows what the ultimate mountaintop is that He has planned for you so maybe, God is seeing if you can handle the little things, the stuff in the valley before you are able to be trusted with the mountaintop.

I recall one time where I was sure that the Valley of Darkness was all consuming, I couldn’t see myself out of a paper bag let alone be able to take 2 steps forward. I was wrestling with facing the “pruning of the vines” in my life and both having clear direction and not being able to do anything about it, all at the same time. As the days and prayers went by I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do. It felt like it and I felt as though I was walking through doors as they came open but there was this deep, and I mean deep seated fear and insecurity that was driving my every thought. Each word that came from my mouth was digging a deeper hole. I wasn’t sleeping, eating right, working out, being relationally mature and I certainly wasn’t treating myself very well with the words that I was saying to myself, the lies that I was allowing to work their way into my heart and mind. As soon as there was something positive that I knew was from the Lord, the enemy jumped into my thoughts and I found myself in a spiral that I couldn’t get out of. I was reaching for all the tools in my tool box when I was reminded of how much I loved worship music. So, one morning, as I was singing through my worship playlist it dawned on me that the valley of darkness that I was walking through was turning into an opportunity for me to show God that I did truly trust Him with not just my future but with that very moment.

The valley can sometimes seem like it goes on forever and when we are walking through it in the darkness it’s easy to not realize that you are slowly coming out of the valley and making your way to the top of the mountain. Before you know it, the sun is starting a rise a little, and as you turn your gaze upwards instead of being so concerned with where your feet are walking you realize that you have been climbing the mountain for some time now. The fog has lifted, the sun is warming your back, your breath starts to slow, the air seems lighter and you realize that there is in fact victory coming.

And when we reach a mountaintop, because we will, it can be just as easy to tell our mind not to remember where we were just at. However, if we don’t allow ourselves to turn around, even for just one moment, we rob ourselves the opportunity to enjoy the view of where we just were. There is such powerful freedom in overcoming the valley times. I have had more valley moments in my life than I care to remember but I know, without a shadow of a doubt that God has and will continue to use those times. Plus, whether or not we want to admit it, the times in the valley are a great opportunity for endurance and as said:

“Dear brothers and sisters , when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested , your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4

Valley times have been and will continue to be the hardest of times. But don’t give up. One thing that I can say with all honesty, God has lead me out of every valley that I have ever been in. While I would like to live in the fantasy world of thinking I will never be there again, I know that’s not the case. And, I know that when I am there again I will likely have to pull out the tools that remind me that it’s not a forever darkness but what I also know is the more I keep my gaze upon Him and the more that I trust His plan for my life the easier it may be to squint my eyes a little in those dark times and be able to see His light a little sooner than times before.