Comparison

August 18, 2015August 18, 2015 ~ abidingtrust ~ Leave a comment

For the past several months I have been a part of an incredible journey and opportunity of a lifetime. I was chosen to be a part of the book launch team for Jen Hatmakers new book For the Love. It’s been an incredible journey of meeting new friends growing in life, love and encouragement. This post is a part of her For the Love blog tour (to learn more and join us click here).

For the love of exercise I completed my first triathlon on Sunday. I initially had typed that I was competing in it but then it hit me that I didn’t compete… I completed. I had carried around this excitement for a couple days and if I can be honest with you I still get really excited when I get to tell the story. Ask me, I will fill you in 🙂

For the first time in a long while, as I was preparing to jump in the water for the swim, I wasn’t the overweight girl, I was just me. I just wanted to finish. Off into the water, around the pylons, onto the bike, off the bike and on to the run. Now, by this point I couldn’t tell you if I was running on adrenaline or actual energy but I would venture to guess it was the first of two options. What happened next I still kick myself over, and wish that I could re-do.

As I began the run I just simply could not get my legs to move any faster than a brisk walk. I was beginning to get very frustrated. If you are anything like me, when that time comes I find myself looking down at the ground a lot more. I was ashamed and disappointed. As I am looking at the pathway crawl under me I can see all the ages of people that are passing me by (they write our age on our left calf). 41, 37, 60…. all running by and for the next 1/2 mile I walked through every bad name anyone had ever said to me and even the ones that I had said to myself.

As mile 1 crept up I knew that I only had 2 more to go. Something changed in my head and I decided that I wasn’t going to finish like this. I remembered reading in Jen Hatmakers book For the Love (and yes that is a link to buy it because it’s that amazing) she says this “We measure our performance against an invented standard and come up wanting, and it’s destroying our joy.” Amen sister! I repeated those words to myself and decided that the last 2 miles were not going to go down like the first one did.

My performance had nothing to do with the ladies who were 41, 37 or 60. It was about me! It was about the fact that I was out here doing this and I was going to complete it. It would be a total waste to do all that work and allow the comparison game to steal my joy! This standard that I invented and put on my self to be better than anyone else was absolutely leaving me wanting for more. It took all the joy that I had in me and threw it back into the lake that I had just swam in.

Y’all, then I rounded the corner (yes, running this time) and I could hear the sweet excited voices of my friends who had driven to the 2 mile mark to cheer me on from there. I heard one say “Go Amanda, you’ve got this” and I thought to myself yep… I sure do. There’s my joy, it cannot be destroyed. I had 1 mile to go and I could consider myself a triathlete….that is a thing right? Eh, let’s go with it.

It’s not even just about athletic events that this happens! It’s all over life we find ourselves trying to live up to this standard that no one has put on us but ourselves. If only it was taught in school that we don’t have to listen to what society says we have to do, don’t you think that we would be in a much better place? Or would we? Thank you to social media for being the biggest culprit. I will admit that I do love it most of the time but we have to be careful not to get caught up in comparing our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. Let’s face it when was the last time that you only posted the ugly nasties that were going on in your life for all of Facebook and Instagram world to see? I know I don’t.

So let’s stop letting all this comparison and crazy invented standards destroy our joy and let’s just focus on the finish line. When we get there, the emotions will flow… let em. You did this, you competed and completed. Go get ’em!

When I just wanted to quit

July 17, 2015July 17, 2015 ~ abidingtrust ~ 1 Comment

It was a beautiful morning ride and I was on a mission. My first triathlon (sprint distance) was only 4 short weeks away and I knew that I had a lot of work left to do to be ready-ish. My life is crazy busy and I, in no way, would say that I am in shape but it was once written about me that I am not easily deterred and that was truth.

I realized quickly that I was going to be riding into the wind once I turned around to head back, and we all know how that goes. (If you don’t know what I am talking about see previous post here) I wasn’t looking forward to it but I knew at least that I would be on my way back, not just starting out. A few short moments later something rather minor happened that made my mind go a little wonky. My heart fluttered, skipped a beat… whatever you want to call it. Now before we get all excited (and by excited I mean concerned) about this please trust that I am monitoring this carefully. However, for the first time ever I was terrified for some reason that I wasn’t going to make it back. I just wanted to quit.

What happened in my mind in that moment left me having no interest in completing this ride. I wanted out, I wanted off the bike and just wanted to crawl back into bed. However, I knew that wasn’t an option in this moment, so I had to keep going. Remembering that I was in the middle of this blogging series I figured I could use this experience to think about that rather than what just happened.

How often in our lives do we come across something, no matter how large or small and something clicks in our minds and we are just done. Timed out, ready to throw in the towel, quit.

Friends, when times get tough or if you are anything like me, I get stuck inside my own head so much that sometimes I can’t see reality… that it just might be easier to quit.

What would happen if we all just quit when things got tough, when our minds get the best of us or when the world tells us that we can’t do something?? Think back in your own life of the things that you almost gave up on, but didn’t. What were they?

For me, well the list is lengthy but I can start with being called to a church plant, becoming GM of a hotel at 24 and I can’t wait to add “completing a triathlon sprint” to that list.

The worst part about quitting is having to start over. There is a reason that we take on the things that we do in life. Sometimes we may never be meant to complete it but I like to try and leave those decisions up to God. He knows. He already has the plans in place, it’s just our responsibility to not be easily deterred and keep going.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

Riding into the wind

July 10, 2015July 10, 2015 ~ abidingtrust ~ 2 Comments

Where did this term headwind come from? In looking this up the actual definition, a headwind is “a wind opposed to the course of a moving object.” Well isn’t that fitting?

When it comes to cycling a headwind is something that I absolutely cannot stand…

Imagine that you are riding at 18 miles an hour, into a headwind of 10mph The amount of energy that you will have to exert to maintain that 18mph is double what you would need on a calm day.

As if riding at a sustained 18mph isn’t hard enough, with that kind of wind, right in your face, you have to work twice as hard to get the same results!

Not long ago I was riding into a 15mph headwind and had this thought as I was trying to think of anything other than the wind….. sometimes, in our spiritual journeys we have this headwind, a “wind opposed to the course of a moving object.” The “moving object” is us, striving to be more like Christ and the “headwind” is the enemy, who wants nothing more than to throw us off course.

As we journey through life there are times that we feel as though it takes twice as much effort to do something the things that we know we are called to. That’s because we have this enemy, a “headwind”, that when coming at us straight on, it is opposing our course of action, this path that we are trying to continue on.

What does this look like for you? Perhaps you are in the midst of riding head-on into the wind, perhaps you just got through a storm and maybe you are in a place where you are starting to feel a slight breeze….

I don’t know what you are being called from, through or to. Regardless, at times you can be going 18 mph toward the place in life that you feel you should most be. Then there is a headwind that comes in, blasts you in the face and you quickly find that you are having to put forth twice as much effort just to keep up the pace you were at…. let alone being able to increase your speed at all.

How easily do we just want to stop!? Like… really? This headwind is just sucking all my energy, I will just stop and pick it up another day. But can I share something with you? Please don’t quit now.

Please don’t put whatever it is that you were working on, whatever race that you running, whatever course you are on… don’t put them on hold just because of a little headwind. There is strength that comes from overcoming that. Our muscles are strengthened, our hearts are made stronger, our faith is increased our desire grows and the next time that we come across that 10 mph wind we find that this wind doesn’t have the same negative effect on us.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things that we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1

In the midst of the greatest wind storm, blowing straight at us, we cannot always see how God is moving in our lives, but we have a hope a promise that He is there and that He is moving.

Just getting started

July 6, 2015July 3, 2015 ~ abidingtrust ~ Leave a comment

Ironic that as I try and find the words to start this post the hardest part is just getting started. I find myself writing, erasing and then re-starting because I want the words that come out to be perfect.

I want everything that I do to start strong. To have a great beginning. To wow, to make a difference. What I often lack is the elegance to just get past the starting line. Truthfully, this blog and the fact that I have posted more than 10 of them on a semi-regular basis is the best “start” that I have had in a while. When it came to getting on this bike and peddling my way through life it was the same way.

The day that I went in to “try on” the bike it was terrifying. I literally looked the gal in the eye and asked her if it was going to be able to support my weight. Go ahead and laugh, I did! She assured me that I would be fine and off I went riding this thing down the street in my jeans and t-shirt because I of course did not plan any better and foresee actually having to ride this bike. Please tell me when “trying a bike on” did not include actually riding it? I obviously wasn’t thinking. Regardless, off I went. I recall thinking to myself that it had been years since I was on a bike and truthfully struggled with wether or not I would remember how to ride it.

I recall the same feelings when I was in the midst of making the decision to follow after Christ as an adult. Growing up we were raised going to church and even in high school I went back but as an adult it felt so much different. I totally understood the concept, I prayed the prayer and felt in my heart what it seemed like I was supposed to feel but I really had a hard time getting started. I wanted to start off with a wow look at how she’s changed but it just seemed like it was a struggle to get there. I didn’t feel like I fit in! I felt like I was riding a bike with jeans on… there was something not quite right about that picture.

That’s when it hit me. It had nothing to do with what I was wearing, with what was on the outside. It had everything to do with the change that was happening on the inside. When I “tried on the bike” I didn’t think far enough ahead to wear other clothes. It didn’t dawn on me that I would actually be riding it, I just knew it was the next step in getting my bike. Making the decision to follow Christ was the same I may not have looked all put together on the outside but handing over my life on the inside was the next step. It was all about just getting started.

“If only you would prepare you heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! Get rid of your sins, and leave all iniquity behind you. Then your face will brighten with innocence. You will be strong and free of fear. You will forget your misery; it will be like water flown away. Your life will be brighter then the noonday. Even darkness will be as bright as morning. Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. You will lie down unafraid and many will look to you for help.” Job 11:13-19