waiting

Embracing the Waiting: Lessons from Mary’s Journey

~ abidingtrust ~ Leave a comment

Waiting during the Christmas season is perhaps most arduous as a child. I remember when I was 8 years old and we were visiting my grandparents in Spokane for the holiday. I loved visiting my grandparents house. The upstairs was for hosting and their front room was picturesque, like the carpet had precise vacuum lines and you basically didn’t go in there. They had the most beautiful bay window, that looking back I have no idea why the Christmas tree wasn’t in there but I digress. The basement however, that’s where the fun was at. There was a piano at the bottom of the stairs, that was my personal favorite, then a large family room with he only TV in the house, a sitting area, game room and it was the home of the Christmas Tree and where the opening of gifts would occur. The night before Christmas, I was sleeping in my mom’s old room, my brother was sleeping in my aunts old room next door to me and for the first time in our lives we could hear a train nearby as we were trying to sleep. It was the strangest sound to me but it was also helpful because I was learning it would come by every 2 hours and since it was Christmas Eve and I wanted nothing more than to wake up as early as possible, every time the train woke me up I knew it was 2 hours closer to the epic Christmas morning. Well, that worked until midnight when the train stopped running so, instead of tracking time based on the blaring train horns, I decided it was necessary to wake up my mom every time I thought it was late enough. Finally after the 3rd time, my mom said to me “Amanda, if you want to get up that’s up to you but you will have to wait until the rest of us are awake to go downstairs.”

I had to wait…. My brother woke right around the same time as me (let’s face it I probably went and woke him up). My mom shortly after that, then my Grandma my Grandpa and then finally my Aunt but the time that passed was easily 3 hours from the time I was told to wait until they were all ready to go. You can go ahead and laugh because it was only 8am when we all were awake, I have been an early riser my whole life.

As I think about the waiting that occurs at Christmas, all over the world as children wait for Santa to come or parents to wake or family to come visit I can’t help but think about Mary and the waiting that she had to endure as she carried the Savior of all humanity.

During Elizabeth’s sixth month of pregnancy, God sent angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin. She was engaged to marry a man names Joseph from the family of David. Her name was Mary. The angel came to her and said, “Greetings! The Lord has blessed you and is with you.” but Mary was very startled by what the angel said and wondered what this greeting might mean. The angel said to her, “don’t be afraid, Mary; God has shown you his grace. Listen! You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and you will name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of King David, his ancestor. He will rule over the people of Jacob forever, and his kingdom will never end.” Mary said to the angel, “How will this happen, since I am a virgin?” The angel said to Mary, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will cover you. For this reason the baby will be holy and will be called the Son of God. Now Elizabeth, your relative, is also pregnant with a son though she is very old. Everyone thought she could not have a baby, but she has been pregnant for six months. God can do anything!” Mary said, “I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say!” Then the angel went away.
Luke 1:26-38

Can you imagine knowing this information, trusting God that He would take care of all the details and then having to WAIT for 9 months to see what would happen? Mary endured many challenges during this time. As she found out about this news she was facing the judgment that came from people around her since she was unwed, the fear that Joseph would leave her, the long journey to Bethlehem on a donkey while heavily pregnant and then gave birth in a stable. And with each challenge that she faced, she put her trust and faith in God to fulfill what He said He would do.

Waiting is something beyond comprehension to me. It seems like time passes so slowly when I am waiting on something. It’s like that phrase, “a watched pot never boils” but yet we hold onto the things that we have been promised by the Lord or things that we are wanting so deeply, with such anticipation. The most fascinating thing to me is how God seems to call the most unlikely to accomplish things that would be impossible without Him. Mary couldn’t possibly become pregnant as a virgin, without God. Elizabeth had been trying for years, and was quite old, yet God did the impossible as she also conceived a child.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you want to look at it, the waiting that we endure when it comes to something God has planned for us, also produces such incredible character. What if Mary would have tried to plan her way out of God’s plan? What if Mary (and/or Joseph) said No! What if Mary changed her mind part of the way through because she couldn’t see the outcome or couldn’t control the twists and turns? Often times when we are waiting on what God has for us, we see it as a burden but I am thankful Mary saw it as an opportunity, a blessing. So shouldn’t we, when tasked with times of waiting on what God has placed in our lives.

In 1 Peter chapter 1 we are reminded that the genuineness of our faith is revealed through the trials that we face and we are frequently asked to trust God in the waiting. However, it can become so easy to let our questioning of what is taking so long get in the way of what He is doing in and through us

As I was reading a devotional with my sweet boyfriend this advent season, I have had this conviction on my heart, I want a faith like Mary had.

When God leads, I want to follow
When God initiates, I want to respond

The reality is, in a world filled with so much “I can do this myself” we are riddled with the desire to manage our anxiety quotient. This rises and falls with our ability to control a situation and eliminate uncertainty. I can tell you at least a dozen times in recent memory where my anxiety quotient was raised and I would have preferred to control what I can control but I had to lean into the faith like Mary and remember who is actually in control.

Trust is not passive, Mary stepped forward in faith which what she had and trusted God, I want to have faith in the waiting like that.

Lord, I know I fear what I don’t know, I fear what I can’t see and I fear what I can’t control but your plans were never meant for me to execute on my own. Help me to believe, in my questions, in my disappoinemtents,and in the waiting. Grow my desire desire to have faith like Mary, to go where you lead, and follow Your way. As it is said in Jeremiah 29:11, your plans are for me to prosper, please help me to remember and lean into that, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Finding Strength in Chaos: Embracing Patience

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One summer, when I was 9 years old, my mom tasked me with painting the intricate parts of a metal table. So intricate that it wasn’t done with a normal size paintbrush or even a 1/2 size one. The painting was done with a tiny paintbrush about the size of the ones that come in the Crayola watercolor sets. Other kids at 9 years old would have viewed this as a punishment but I didn’t have to think twice. I was thrilled!!! About half way through the project my mother came out to the garage where I was working, smiled and just said “you are the perfect person for this, you have the patience of Job.” Of who? I thought to myself. We grew up going to church and I guess I loosely understood the story of Job but the phrase was far more popular in my mind than the Bible story. I kinda chuckled and kept on my merry painting way.

James mentions Job’s patience in verse 11

“We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and marcy.” James 5:11

Patience is one of those things that I never asked for, I didn’t think that I needed more than I had and I did learn early on in my walk with the Lord to not ask for it. Granted, that might just be a funny joke in the Christian world but typically when we, as believers, ask God for patience it sure seems like he provides an abundance of opportunity to test out this new found blessing.

So why do we find ourselves in these moments of wanting and waiting? Well, that seems to be answered by many things but mainly this season of waiting can be described as being in the middle of here and wanting to get there. It’s like, I know God has impressed things on my my heart that I truly believe are from Him and His plans but then we sit here wondering what is taking so long. The truth is, God is far more interested in who you are becoming than what you are doing. 

“Wait patiently for the Lord, Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalms 27:14

I don’t know about you but some chaotic seasons of waiting seem to drag on forever. Some of those times are when I swear that there was light at the end of the tunnel just for that tunnel to collapse and I found my self digging out again. With each collapse, there, in turn, became a little more chaos in my mind than the time before. One would think that having to do the same clean up over and over would make my mind a little clearer but the issue wasn’t the clean up, it was me trying to take a little more control every time because I was getting antsy. I was growing weary in the waiting, I was wanting God to move a little faster for fear that the opportunity was going to pass me by. Well, here’s some facts that came out of this fight with the Lord:

The tighter I hold onto what I want the less space there is for God to move
The more I try to self-manifest the more I am going to get it wrong
The more I self-project, the less accurate reality really is
The more I stress over things the smaller my faith becomes
The more fear I give in to the more cloudy my thoughts are
The cloudier my minds gets the less I can hear God
The less I hear God, the more I hear the enemy
And we all know where this is headed now.

There IS good that comes from times like these. For example, have you ever thought about how aware you are of God and how much you go to Him when in times of chaotic waiting? I know for me, I find my self in almost constant conversation with Him, mostly begging Him to show me what He is doing. And how amazing it is that the God of the universe loves us so much that in the midst of the chaotic waiting He wants us to communicate with him. Tim Keller said it this way “God will only give you what you would have asked for if you knew everything He knows.”

We want, so desperately to control the narrative in these times of waiting. But here is where the endurance kicks in. I once considered myself a runner and I can recall so many races where I was totally wiped out with several miles left in the race and the only way to finish is to dig deep down and find the energy and endurance that I have left to cross that finish line. It’s no different here except that God is the one in control. We can attempt to meander through the chaotic waiting with our self-projecting, self-manifesting ways but we will be reminded that He is more trustworthy and has our best interest in mind. Here’s the thing, our trust problem is a belief problem. We can either trust fully in ourselves or trust wholly in the power of God.

I already know what you are thinking. “I have trusted him before and look where it go me.” or “I want to trust Him but it just seems so far away” or “I know what He has told me but it just seems impossible” and while I haven’t felt all those things I can empathize with where you are at. Here’s what I do know. God has already fulfilled so many things that He promised He would do, so it should give us confidence to trust in the God of our not yet.

So let’s take a journey and visit some of the people in the Bible that have had to endure times of waiting, how they persevered and what God did in and through them in their time of waiting.

And while we are taking this journey, let us not lose sight of our own chaotic waiting. You might be tempted to run from the process. Don’t. The enemy doesn’t play fair and he wants nothing more than for you to give up. You will have to fight to guard your words, thoughts and heart as this process will lead to your breakthrough. Oftentimes, hardship and difficulty do not mean you are off course. It just means God is preparing you for greatness.

Wonder in the Waiting

~ abidingtrust ~ Leave a comment

The air is crisp as the sun begins to rise over the mountains to my left. Sitting on the balcony of this hotel room in 22 degrees feels incredibly warm because I have ample time to relax, recharge and write, this moment washed over me like a warm blanket. Moving inside, curled up in my chair, cozy sweater enveloping me and my writing playlist going in the background I pondered the words that would come out. Before I sat to write however, I was reminded of the delicious french press coffee in my room and suddenly that thought warmed me even more. I love French Press coffee, yes it takes way too long to make but the way the oils and grounds remain intact instead of being soaked up by a filter creates such a complete coffee taste, it’s worth it. So I wait.

The water begins to boil, the grounds are measured and ready, I pour the water over them slowly making sure each one is covered and wait some more. As I pace around the room it occurs to me that like waiting for this delicious cup of coffee, that’s where the beauty often comes, the waiting. Wait might as well be a 4-letter word in my vocabulary. I would label myself as a chronic multitasker and somehow have been gifted with the ability to do so at a high level. It could be thanks to automation of so many things in life or that I don’t sleep as much as most people, regardless I seem to get stuff done. While there can be good in that I tend to lose the wonder in the waiting. Take my coffee this morning as an example. If I would have used cold water instead of letting it boil or drink the coffee before the water was allowed to steep and release the aroma of the coffee grounds it would have been horrible. So I wait.

This week I found myself in the midst of a lot of waiting. Waiting on weather, waiting on emails, messages, coffee, news from a friend, stop lights, endless highways, unanswered calls and the list goes on. It’s frustrating to be in the waiting but why don’t we ever take a moment when on the other side of that to turn back, look at where we came from and then relish in what is now before us. If it wasn’t for writing this I would never take the time to process what steps french press coffee takes and then fully enjoy why it takes so long. Looking back at my week I chuckle with hints of joy at what I waited through and then got to see, feel, enjoy and experience. Time can seem to stand still in those waiting wanderings and not in the way that we want them to. We so often find ourselves asking the clock to stop ticking in times of joy, elation and fullfillment and to speed by when the waiting is uncomfortable yet the clock neither speeds nor slows, it is simply our mind that makes it so.

Why does our mind want to speed past the agony and growth that comes from waiting? I think it conjures up this flash forward scene of what it wants to see on the other side but forgets the process that it takes to get there. Perhaps our mind begs for time to speed in the waitng becuase we don’t have the emotional capacity to fully process and allow the waiting to grow us, to mold us to who we are meant to be. Maybe the waiting allows for our heart to catch up with our mind or visa versa. But, there is wonder in the waiting. Wonder like when a child watches a Christmas tree light up for the first time. They know it’s coming and they have an idea in their mind of what it will look like yet it’s always more amazing than their minds can predict. Wonder, like their anticipation of Santa’s arrival on Christmas Eve. If they knew when Santa arrived they would never sleep, they would never trust that he was coming, they would sit awake and listen for the sounds. Wonder, like falling in love, where every movement the other person makes creates a photo in your mind and you gaze upon them with elation.

Why don’t we have wonder in the waiting like that? Can we, in the midst of the waiting celebrate the pause that the decision, response or result creates? Can we, in the midst of waiting allow ourselves to look at it in wonder like the child does? Knowing that what comes in the preverbial morning will be good and everything that we didn’t know we needed. Can we fall in love with waiting where we notice everything that it does to change us, to mold us, to make us better. Can we gaze upon the waiting with elation and trust? Can we stop asking time to pass just so we get the result we want? If we can just allow the wonder in the waiting we may wonder why we never allowed such a beautiful part of life to change us like this before.