For most of my adult life I have experienced anxiety in some form or another. Mostly it was disguised as FOMO or explained away as emotional growing pains but in 2018 I realized it was much more serious. Our son was born with multiple mainline defects (their terminology not mine) and for the next 2 years he would be hospitalized several times for pneumonia only to have another major surgery in 2019. Looking back I am sure I experienced Post Pardum, epecially considering the journey it was to get him graduated from the NICU and then my mom unexpectedly passed away just 10 weeks after my son was born. All that to be said I really didn’t think it would be something I would continue dealing with for years to come.

Back to 2018…. I finally started seeing a therapist (of which I 100% recommend) and between her and my primary doctor it was absolutely determined that I had anxiety and high functioning PTSD. For the first time in my life I realized what was “wrong” with me and was on the path to fixing it. For 3 years I lived in a blissful place of virtually no anxiety but as 2022 came around the corner I stopped taking the anxiety medicine cold turkey (which I 100% do NOT recommend). To be honest there wasn’t a specific reason other than I was out of the medication and the refill was taking a while so by the time 3 or so weeks had passed I realized I had a decision to make. Keep going or stop, I chose to stop. It was a very tumultuous yet empowering season of life. Not to say there’s anything wrong with the medication at all I just wasn’t choosing that path for my life right now.

This season of life is fragile. It’s fragile because I find myself feeling all the feelings and immediately have to process how I want to respond rather than off the cuff like I have in the past. It’s fragile because I could forget what I have learned in 6 months and react in a manner that’s not healthy. It’s also beautiful (kalos) because I know God is with me. As I prayed about which defining word of Kalos I wanted to associate with this post, Surpassing seemed the most fitting. The way God has led and guided me through this is surpassing anything I could have imagined. I recall a specific time where I was pretty overwhelmed with the negative debilitating thoughts that come with anxiety. As my mind started to spiral rapidly I felt the Lord stirring in my soul and whispering to me “stop, I am here to guide you.” So I did. I stopped, sat in silence and allowed Him to help me process and dig myself out of the pit of self doubt. We walked through every step together, He helped me process what was truth and what was a lie.

So who is this God who cares for us and loves so deeply? I mean if you have read anything before this I have processed that on many levels but I want you to stop and experience a fraction of what I did last week. I was getting ready for work on a Thursday morning, listening to the worship set for services that night and processing through what it would look like from a video perspective (that night I was running switcher on the production team). One of the songs that week was “Same God” by Elevation Worship. I listened a couple times through and then on the 3rd time I actually heard the words of the song.
Im calling on the God of Jacob
whose love endures through generations
I know that You will keep Your covenant

I’m calling on the God of Moses
The one who opened up the ocean
I need You now to do the same thing for me

So by this time I am really focusing and something starts to stir…. keep listening with me

I’m calling on the God of Mary
Whose favor rests upon the lowly
I know with You all things are possible

I’m calling on the God of David
Who made a shepherd boy courageous
I may not face Goliath
But I have my own Giants

It was about this point of the song where I said out loud: “It is the SAME GOD” Now before you go thinking I am crazy, I’m not. It’s just, I have been a believer for many years and I have been through my share of fires but for some reason that day the pure and honest truth that He is the same God who did all those things and so much more, cares for me. He cares for you. He created the world, parted the ocean, walked through fire, sent Jesus down and then sacrificed Him so that we can have eternity in heaven with HIM! You guys!

Far too often we go through our days praying, praising and thanking God for all that he’s done but when is the last time you really let it resonate that this is the SAME GOD. He’s the same God who wants to help you work through every anxious thought, every depression filled day and every other struggle that you may face. He is also the same God who wants you to know how beautiful, empowered, supported, cared for and loved you are.

In previous posts I have shared by life verse (Isaiah 43:2) and it’s a great reminder here

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”

It’s not a coincidence that the first word of each sentence of that verse is when. WHEN (not if) you go through things He is with you.

So yea, it wasn’t until about a week ago when the surpassing love of God really hit me. It was then where I could physically understand how God supports and guides us surpassing all expectations. It was that moment when my worries and fears were surpassed with confidence and joy.